On obsessive, mentally unstable, vaguely depressed women
"Nobody would want to be friends with a person like this.”
Love notes from Siel is a newsletter about love, writing, and the nomad life from me, Siel.
Dear friend —
Last month, when all the best of 2023 lists came out, I realized I’d read close to none of the celebrated books.
That’s partly because I make it a point to read books set in or written where I happen to be — a habit that’s opened me up creatively and intellectually by exposing me to voices and histories and ideas that aren’t so U.S.-centric. But it’s also because I’ve accepted that the books I find most engrossing and inspiring are those that tend not to make best-of lists.
With best of lists, there’s a lot of strategizing — to avoid putting books of the same “type” on the same list, for example. If one family saga’s chosen, all other family sagas are out of luck.
Yet — I have a type I like and I’m not afraid of putting them all on a single list!
I like books with gripping narrative voices, unpredictable storylines, and moral ambiguity. Or put another way, I like books with messy yet stubborn female leads that tend to irritate most readers with their unabashed messiness and stubbornness.
Why is it that so many people don’t like books with characters who have terrible personalities — the kind that disgust and frustrate? Isn’t the point of literature to evoke such strong emotions?
Below are three favorite novels I read this year that were hated by many on Goodreads. I recommend starting your 2024 by picking them up —
Happy 2024 —
Love,
Siel
I’m a Fan by Sheena Patel (Graywolf, 2023)
A woman is obsessed with another woman — because this second woman is also sleeping with the guy the first woman used to sleep with and is still obsessed with, though said guy is married to yet another woman, and the first woman also has a boyfriend, albeit not one she’s particularly attracted to.
But what really makes this novel sing is not its romantic entanglements but its incisive look at how race and class play into said entanglements. What if a big part of the reason the first woman is obsessed with the second woman is not really about the guy but about the fact that the second woman is whiter and wealthier and thinner than her — characteristics that put her on a very different tier in today’s social and dating economies? I’m a Fan is a fascinating book that puts into words the many ugly things we think about ourselves and the world around us. Such incisiveness has earned it a Goodreads rating of 3.47, with pissed-off reviews such as “Nobody could sympathize with a person like this. Nobody would want to be friends with a person like this.”
Acts of Service by Lillian Fishman (Hogarth, 2023).
A young woman who’s been somewhat militant in her identification as a feminist and dater of women suddenly gets into a threesome situation with an attractive couple — and finds sexual fulfillment with the guy, who also happens to be married to a third woman uninvolved in the threesome.
The young woman also happens to have a girlfriend, who knows nothing of this side affair — and the whole thing leads our protagonist into a sort of sexual existential crisis. What does it mean for a lesbian feminist to enjoy fucking a rich, handsome man? Acts of Service is very thinky for a sexy book — a feature that’s earned it a 3.10 rating on Goodreads with reviews like “this book is everything i dislike about the ‘vaguely depressed women in their twenties’ subgenre of literary fiction.”
My Husband by Maud Ventura (Harpervia, 2023)
A woman shares two kids and many years of marriage with her handsome husband — yet is still constantly anxious that, basically, he’ll break up with her. She’s obsessed with constantly measuring his love for and attachment to her. How often does he text me? How long does he hold my hand? How much time do we spend together alone?
Her obsession with her husband keeps her from focusing on anything else — whether it’s her pleasure reading or her childrearing — and it also pushes her into having revenge sex with random other men. There’s a twist at the end that kind of ruins the book, but I still liked following its anxious desperation. Written by a French author, this book was a bestseller in its home country — but on Goodreads it has a 3.74 rating with American readers declaring things like “This was so pointless omg. Like we get it, you're an obsessive, mentally unstable narcissist.”
Three links you may love:
People Are Ditching Dating Apps to Find Love on…Duolingo? “Striking up a conversation on a service where you know someone shares your interests can feel more natural than sifting through dating apps, former dating-service users say.”
In Search of Romance? Try Moving Abroad. “‘The dating culture in the U.S. is that it’s cool and normalized to be indifferent to someone and not really express how you genuinely feel,’ Ms. Brown, 23, said.”
Are We Dating the Same Guy? “What began as a way for New York’s single women to check their dating partners’ availability has transformed into something huge and sprawling, an international whisper network shining a glaring interrogation lamp on the state of dating in 2023.”
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These books so fascinating! Thanks for sharing them :)
Thanks for the book recommendations. I’m a fan of not particularly likable characters too.